Pour

 I know the danger now,

of letting things flow, 

fingers stretched and grasping

holding, stretching, molding, yes

yes

pouring thick as syrup from my veins

a taffy I can work like clay

a solid stream of thought

play, words, lands, people, yes

yes

I can fill the room around me

craft my own palace, fill it

fill my world with everything, anything

all of it, any of it, many, few, yes

yes

I can't move fast enough to catch it all

it comes as often as breath, heart beat, blinking

I beg for it not to stop, of course

why, please, never stop, I need it, yes

yes

Oh, but folly is not seen until its up to the eyes

my palace submerged, my lands sinking

everything, anything, still pouring out

out, out, out, out, out, yes

yes

I will drown in this, my thoughts

imaginings of more wonderful things

what I can't have, what does not exist

not real, can't be real, oh I wish it to be real, yes

yes

and when my air is full of this clotted stuff

beauty warped by pressure, space, clumsy fingers

tired fingers, ever molding, with no one to see

please, watch, read, listen, see? yes

yes

perhaps then I will die covered here, content

buried in things I love, created to be shared

up to my eyes, my ears, nose, golden, honey sweet

yes.

Jump

 I stand as a shattered thing

eyes turned, chin down, unsettled

a weakness for deities

beautiful, talented, a little insane

and when something is all of these

I cannot seem to stay tame

I am virulent

a toxic tonic set to fizzle

blood boils, heart pounds, skin sizzles

leaping without looking at the edge

and knowing a fall like that 

kills

I stand as a shattered thing

after landing

on my feet, still, on my feet

though swaying

though smiling, masochistic

at the blood on my own bare fingers

having no chance even to heal

before I even start pounding

over and over and over and over

at the cliff

to climb back up on broken legs

only to jump again.

Farewell 2023 - Hello 2024

 Ahh, the first of 2024. That gloriously awkward time, when one must continuously correct everything one needs to put a date on. What better way to bid farewell to the previous year, than to do a little "Spotify Recap" of events and fun facts?

• I wrote the first 2 drafts of a full length novel (130k+ words.)
• Come on, I have to start the list strong, or I feel like hot garbage, gimme a break.
• I got a new job.
• I suppose you could call it an even trade; comparable pay only delivered once a month (ugh) in exchange for a soothing work environment, better bosses, and a better schedule.
• I've read 54 books this year start to finish. 
• I tried to read 56, but I haven't gotten through the other 2 because the first one was very odd spiritual preaching, and the second is VERY dark, and VERY long, and I got VERY discouraged.
• I managed to get out of bed every day and continue to exist!
• Horrible things are happening everywhere in the world, but I am grateful, at least, that I have my friends, my family and my dogs. 
• Lets face it. I can't go out and physically keep my friends and family safe. I can't be in many places at once, but I CAN keep a machete by the door and seriously mess someone up if they try to lay a finger on my dogs. SO there's that.
• I made 2 new friends this year.
• I met a glorious handful of my online friends in person this year.
• I indulged in several instances of arts and crafts, and enjoyed it.

And now, the list of things I would very much like to do (or at least TRY very HARD to do) in the upcoming year! I won't call them resolutions, because that would imply I have stronger resolve then I may actually possess. Instead, I will call these my personal list of new years suggestions.

• Spend more time at the dog park with the doggos.
• Sort of drifted away from them during COVID because most of them were closed, but now that they're open again, I think it's well worth the car ride and awkward hellos to strangers.
• Send inquiries out to agents for that book I wrote. 
• Maybe I'll even edit a third draft, who knows, lets get crazy. 
• Write another book with my dear friend who shall not be named.
• Oh it will be spectacular, we've got an outline, and it practically writes itself. In FACT we've technically already WRITTEN the damn thing, it's.... a matter of POV and formatting - well, you'll see, anyway. 
• Re-Do my impromptu paper blinds and decorate them with fun stuff like I originally planned. 
• This is more of an insider information one, but I have these sliding doors (that we do not use as doors) and instead of physical curtains, I've cleverly used packing paper to make the illusion of curtains. They are brown. I would like to make them more fun. This is an attainable goal. 
• Get new soil for my one, poor, lonely plant. 

I'm sure over time I'll accumulate more, but I think that's a perfectly respectable list. 

Happy New Year, all of you ghosts out there!