Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Stable Insecurity?

I am so happy right now.

I have a place of my own, steady income, a man who loves me, creative outlets, and tons of friends and family nearby. Socially and mentally speaking I am fantastic. I have vivid dreams (haha) and fun ideas, I create worlds and peoples and I step into their shoes to unwind from reality. I get along with most of my co-workers, laugh and smile a lot, have wonderful neighbors and a lizard that is mind-numbingly entertaining. I am physically healthy and suffer no lon-term ailments other than pretty crappy vision, and I've been told that I'm a sweet kind of attractive. I don't have anything about my body to complain about (Mentally is another story, hehe) and I am satisfied with my wardrobe. I also have amazing sex, which is very, very healthy I hear.

MOnetarily speaking... I suppose thats where the insecurity comes from. Those minor expenditures, and those major purchases that are necessary for my continued happiness (IE Gas, rent, The Pill, groceries, oil changes, painkillers & cold meds, the $1.65 I pay every few days for a tea and therefore internet, etc...) seem to get in the way of those major monthly payments that cover all the minute details I learned/didn't learn in College. They say nothing is free? Well unfortunately in my case thats about 95% true. The whole experience of school is costing me approximately 50,000 in the long run - not including interest.

Why on earth does it cost so much to learn? Who the hell thought of that? What kind of arrogant idiot thought he could monopolize an education? We learn for free every day. Should our parents start chargind us for when they teach us to tie our shoes, or ride our bikes? What makes higher education so damned expensive? And what the hell did I waste my money on? Maybe the C in Math, or the B in Memoirs? Or maybe I'm paying for the parties I went to after each show I was in? Or the few times I operated a metal cutter? Or how about this: "The College Experience?" Did I really just PAY for friendship and comradrie? Am i STILL paying for it? Because if thats all it was, it was barely BARELY worth it.

a.) True friends are free, and I like to think of my college friends as very true. So I should get a discount for that.

b.) I got C's in Math all the freakin time, so I apparently learned nothing there. discount.

c.) I've BEEN to better parties both before AND after college, so it wasn't exactly a learning experience OR worth that much cash. Discount there.

d.) If I recall, the metal cutting gig was actually VOLUNTEER. DISCOUNT ME.

e.) And the College Experience? The extenuation of high school mixed in with a longer drive from home and living on one's own? I've BEEN to summer camp, thank you, done that. Gimme a damned discount!

So I am happy. Truly, very happy with my situation. Now to be SECURE... well, Lemme re-iterate our dear friend from "The Continuation - The Conclusion" ...

Stripping, egg donating or winning the lottery would just be grand. (The later prefered, thank you.)


1 comment:

  1. I'm about to go into debt between 150K-200K. This year alone will be around 65K. I will be able to do loan forgiveness, but I'll still probably have to pay 75% of it off...I no longer have sympathy when it comes to student loans. It seems it's a necessary part of life at this point. And boy does it fucking suck!!