I Can't Even

I approach this page with a desire to purge. I wish to vomit all my negativity here so that It isn't bothering me anywhere else. I want to scratch at the tabletop until my hands bleed, bang my head against the wall until I go to sleep, run until I collapse, Scream until I have no voice, stare at the sun until I go blind....

Have I told you how much I want the world to be enveloped into a Zombie Apocalypse? I feel like I have. Although if I have not - I think I want this more then I want to win the lottery. Because you see, at that point, the lottery won't really mean much will it? Neither will student loans, car payments, tax deductions, phone bills, electric payments.... All you need is the ability to survive, and the demented idea that bashing someone in the head until their brains fly out everywhere will save your life.

Things would be so much simpler in a Zombie apocalypse. Easier to make friends - easier to get rid of them, too. Social faux pas will be nil if any. (Unless you're a complete moron.) It will all boil down to a good set of running legs, a strong batting arm and a nose for scavenging. No one will care what color, gender, whatever you are as long as you aren't coming towards them with blood on your chin and a hunger for brains in your eyes.

Sure there are the bad eggs. Brutes, bullies, loners.... But in a Zombie Apocalypse, if some asshole tries to steal your food, or the food from a small child, or from a group, all you have to do is beat the hell out of him and send him away. Kick his ass. Present a show of force. Standing up for yourself has never been easier or more urgent. Survival of the fittest. And when the shit gets really tough, save a bullet for yourself. Done.

I wish it was a Zombie apocalypse.

I could be as strong and as bad-ass as I really want to be. I hate the system. These politics and this bullshit society that all of us are slaves to whether we like it or not. I hate it. Hate it. I hate it so much it makes my ears ring. I just want to run away somewhere no one knows me and live in a  hammock on a beach somewhere, or in a tree house in the woods....

And thus I stop making sense.

Oru

2016

Welcome to the year 2016!
According to TimeandDate.com this is the year of the Sheep, on the verge of Year of the MOnkey. (But since according to them, most of the year is in the Monkey Bracket, we're just going to call it year of the Monkey. Fair? Here's another link about Chinese Monkey Years.)

What does that mean? Haven't the foggiest, really. Apparently it just dictates the personality type of whatever child is born in this year. (Which, I hope, is the year of returning manners and better parenting: GO M&F, K&J & L&S FOR BEING THE BEST CONTEMPORARY ROLE MODELS EVER!)

As for me. Hm. The year of the Red Monkey. This will be the year for movement. I am sensing a shift in living space, a direct Southern shift of all my possessions. I also sense a sifting of material possessions, a thinning in the flock of clutter as well. I am feeling on the wind that there will be many many words in my future, typed on the smooth keys of my new apparatus! I sense mailing labels and lots of waiting, but there is also sunshine and new friends on the horizon as well!

I can taste the flavors of freedom, the complete spectrum of a refreshing life adventure: the unknown! Comeraderie! Mystery! Discovery! Adventure! Fun! All of these things I can just touch with the tips of my outstretched fingers! Just beyond that haze of complete uncertainty, abject horror, self doubt, mindless hatred and rage for change (that is as of yet inexplicable) I can see that vast outline, the coast through a fog of a whole new life.

Its going to be great, I know it.