I approach this page with a desire to purge. I wish to vomit all my negativity here so that It isn't bothering me anywhere else. I want to scratch at the tabletop until my hands bleed, bang my head against the wall until I go to sleep, run until I collapse, Scream until I have no voice, stare at the sun until I go blind....
Have I told you how much I want the world to be enveloped into a Zombie Apocalypse? I feel like I have. Although if I have not - I think I want this more then I want to win the lottery. Because you see, at that point, the lottery won't really mean much will it? Neither will student loans, car payments, tax deductions, phone bills, electric payments.... All you need is the ability to survive, and the demented idea that bashing someone in the head until their brains fly out everywhere will save your life.
Things would be so much simpler in a Zombie apocalypse. Easier to make friends - easier to get rid of them, too. Social faux pas will be nil if any. (Unless you're a complete moron.) It will all boil down to a good set of running legs, a strong batting arm and a nose for scavenging. No one will care what color, gender, whatever you are as long as you aren't coming towards them with blood on your chin and a hunger for brains in your eyes.
Sure there are the bad eggs. Brutes, bullies, loners.... But in a Zombie Apocalypse, if some asshole tries to steal your food, or the food from a small child, or from a group, all you have to do is beat the hell out of him and send him away. Kick his ass. Present a show of force. Standing up for yourself has never been easier or more urgent. Survival of the fittest. And when the shit gets really tough, save a bullet for yourself. Done.
I wish it was a Zombie apocalypse.
I could be as strong and as bad-ass as I really want to be. I hate the system. These politics and this bullshit society that all of us are slaves to whether we like it or not. I hate it. Hate it. I hate it so much it makes my ears ring. I just want to run away somewhere no one knows me and live in a hammock on a beach somewhere, or in a tree house in the woods....
And thus I stop making sense.