Broken Heart

Do you remember how it felt, when your heart broke for the first time?

I remember that it felt like every color paled. Like every sound dulled. Like the tide had suddenly come in, a roaring of waves in my ears. That sudden chest-filling, like too many feathers stuffed up under my ribs Trying to smother a sparking, sputtering heart with downy fluff Only to have it flash-burn and diminish into soft, clogging ash. Again and again and again, sticking to the insides of my bones-- Like an over-eager crawling in my palms as my throat tightened, Emotion crept up under my jaw and clung beneath the hinge, Like my tears were hiding there, swallowed back, not now, not here. Impossible pain that started as the warmth and safety of home. Something wonderful ended, something stable crumbled, a fire suddenly banked. Mixed urges misfire behind my eyes, To scream, to cry, to hide, to run, to stop everything everywhere, please. Just stop, please stop.

Do you remember what it was, that broke your heart the first time?

I remember that I got close to someone far away. Bonded as if by magic.

I can't remember if they were real, but they had to have been.

Real enough for me, anyway. Maybe I could feel their hand in mine as I held open the book to read.

Maybe they were the blanket around my shoulders as I watched the screen. Maybe they came to life a bit too well, a bit too thoroughly, and claimed a spot

in my heart. Maybe I put too much of myself into them as I guided them through their destiny.

Then, the connection broke. The credits rolled, the chapter ended, the boss was slain, the ink ran out.

A blink and they were gone, as if they had never existed at all.

Do you remember how it felt, when your heart broke for the first time?

When something shares a place inside your head so thoroughly that their absence makes you feel less.

When something ignites something inside you so brightly that when it leaves, the light extinguishes.

When something touches you so deeply that when those tendrils fade you feel cold.

I remember.