Fair-Weather Friends

The weather certainly is character building, isn't it? Making plans, changing plans, adjusting plans, shuffling one obligation over another obligation... Sure, not all of these trivialities are dependant on the weather - but what if you had planned to go to the bank or run indoor errands on one of the few days where it's bright, sunny, and breezy all at once? OR if you had planned to avoid doing lawn-mowing so you prayed for rain - on the ONLY day it DOESN'T rain? What about those plans you'd made in lieu of the mowing?

So, Fair-Weather friends on occasion mean that they are those that only come to be your friend when they need something. But in other cases - they could in fact be friends that you find yourself hanging with when the weather actually is FAIR. People who you have fun with romping outdoors and playing frizbee with, or going to the water park, or throwing water-balloons, or even riding bikes and such.

Some people are just better enjoyed outside.
:)

Oru

All work and no play...

....makes Oru money.

However, it also steals away from time for myself. Which, on most occasions I wouldn't mind, simply because I will be bringing in a sizeable paycheck. (Thursday I will pay this months loans!)

However, through some fortuitous circumstances I am unaware of, this week's schedule has been sized down, just for me! I have three days in a row to myself, without parentage present and time to tidy up my room, (I'm thinking a writing nook, whadda you think?) hang out with friends, (I'm thinking the introduction of alcohol among us could be fun, right?) and more time to sleep in. (Hallelujah!)

The only thing that is currently grating on my nerves (And I mean this in a miniscule sense, of course) is how long the day has already begun to drag. On a usual day, I would have a bit of a rush during breakfast hours, get my work done, shmooze with guests and chat with kitchen staff. Then of course I would peruse the acceptable websites from the front desk computer, and if I felt up to it I would then revert to here, My trusty blogspot. However.... I find myself without something to do. So here I am.

Perhaps I shall research fun things online and report them here. Interesting zombie news, or perhaps fun pranks or home-videos. Those are always fun.

Anyway, sorry there wasn't anything particularly enlightening today - I need to shed this boredom before I can really kick it up old school.

~Oru

"I don't care -"

" - what you think, as long as it's about me. The best of us can find happiness in Misery."

-Fall Out Boy. 'I don't care'

"There ain't no rest for the wicked. Money don't grow on trees. I got bills to pay, I got mouths to feed, there ain't nothing in this world for free. Oh no I can't slow down, I can't look back, although you know, I wish I could. Oh there ain't no rest for the wicked, until we close our eyes for good."

-Cage the Elephant. 'No rest for the wicked'

"Hey there girl, tell me whadda you do, she said 'nothin but I'm damn sure it's more then you.' That girl's a genius, oh oh oh oh oh oh OH. I think she's serious, oh oh oh oh oh oh oh OH."

-Jet. 'That girl's a genius.'

"This foolishness can leave the heart black and blue. Only love; Only love can leave such a mark. Only love; Only love can leave such a scar."

-U2. 'Magnificent'

"There is nothin you can do that I have not already done to myself, There is nothin you can do that I have not already done to myself, There is nothin you can do that I have not already done to myself: no there is nothing you can do that I HAVE NOT ALREADY DONE TO MYSELF! I never wanted to dance with nobody but you. I never wanted to dance with nobody but you. I never wanted to dance with nobody but you: and I wouldn't take no for an answer you fuckin' bitch. Be nice! Be nice to me, don't let me be! Be nice! Be nice to me, don't let me go!"

-MSI. 'Never wanted to Dance'

"Out on the doorstep with my key turned in the door. Look in the livingroom and your stuff on the floor. My heart is aching and I've never felt this bad, I pinch myself to check that all of this is real. Keep thinking I'm not letting on I feel this sad and then you've got the cheek to ask me how I feel. And I say: Absolutely nothing, absolutely fine. Abtolsutely nothing you could say to change my mind. Absolutely nothing. Absulutely fine. Absolutely nothing you could say to change my mind."

-Lili Allen. 'Absolutely nothing'

"Oh Kiss me. Flick your cigarette and kiss me. Kiss me where your eye won't meet me. Meet me where your mind won't kiss me. Fick your eyes at mine and then hit me. Hit me with your eyes so sweetly. Oh you know, you know, you know that yes I love - I mean I'd love to get to know you. ...Do you ever wonder? No. No no NO you girls never know, oh no you girls will never know. No you girls never know: how you make a boy feel! You girls never know. Oh no you girls will never know. No you girls never know how you make a boy feel. How you make a boy --"

-Franz Ferdinand. 'No you girls'

"We must stop meeting this way, we'll both be living ok. Cuz we fell so far from this tree again."

-Splender. 'Supernatural'

Dangerous Threshold

"And here we are. On the ragged Edge. Don't push me." - Captain Malcolm Reynolds

Every once and a while, I can feel the updraft from the chazm stretching before me. It breathes on my face like the amorous winds from a lecherous drunk. It wants me to jump into it's arms, rocky teeth in a jagged smile as it measures me up.

Will I survive the fall?

The open air, cooled by the breath of the chazm, becons me, tendrils outwards to cool my heated cheeks, dab at the dampness beneath my eyes, smooth away the creases of worry on my face. They even reach out to uncurl my fingers from the fists they had formed during my journey to the edge. Something about me balks them though - perhaps the grim determination in my eyes, not to budge. The conflicting forces ripping at my insides telling me to both fight and flee. The battle is visible on my face. Perhaps they like to watch my confusion, want to see what I'll do - who knows, maybe I would run screaming.

I've lifted my foot and dangle it over thin air, an act of Indiana Jones Faith, eyes open and glaring across to the other side, willing myself to grow a set of wings and get ON with it.

...And thats how I stand, frozen, suddenly aware of how terrified this chill air made me.

Of course, thats just one dark corner of my mind. The rest of me: keeping busy and staying out of most trouble - except the fun kind of course. Distracting myself from the numb pains and the dull aches, you know the usual.

I think I shall go bowling soon.

Oru!

Time Share

My mind is divided into sections. Like a cubby system. Or, if you want a better image, like those mazes that lab-rats are let loose in. On occasion, items in certain cubbies will ... create a kind of spill over. And in that case, I have to re-allot my thoughts, and assign more groundspace for these unfinished projects.

Of course, - those are for the nice, smaller issues. Like my cubby for 'writing.' Within that cubby are hundreds of ideas, just bursting out of the tiny space like fireworks. So on occasion, I have to regroup. Try and switch cubbies with another train of thought. (Like 'school', which is retiring anyway, and thus needs far less space to live.)

Now all this shuffling around leads to inter-office dating. Which leads to other things, which leads to a marriage of thoughts in a sense, which can on occasion lead to a duality of subjects in the cubbies. I could write about school, for example, or go back to school for writing. This creates unavoidable parallells between cubbies, and thus moving them far from their homes can be dangeroius to my very psyche. so instead, I rent the space out to my thoughts, and They share the space.

Time Share.

And amid all those cubbies -are my memories, providing the framework of the thousands of little thought processes eternally being bartered for, traded, shuffled about and thrown around in the post office of my mind.

...And amid those shuffles, i completely forgot what it was I was going to SAY about all this. Ah well, better luck next time?

Oru

Memories Drift

Standing perched on one foot behind the front desk for hours on end often gets my mind turning. I need something to distract me from the way my feet are pulsating from the constant pressure my body pushes down on them. On occasion I will be gifted with a task that involves more movement then mindlessly shifting my weight - but unfortunately those times are few and far between.

So, I think.

I think about things that have held me together. Then I think about how those things inevitably tear me apart. To avoid an onrush of unecessary angst, I will change gears, and dwell on any good spots of light in my darkened little heart. Dispite the row of pristine flourescents being sumarily blown to pieces by an M16, (whose name I try my utmost never to utter again, though fail on occasion,) there are still little runners glowing down the hall, and every hundred feet or so someone will have lit a fire in a barrell, or mounted a wall-sconce to light their way.

I am somewhat of a maze to begin with. And the fact that the lights are out isn't making it easier for anyone else to get to know me. Get close to me, become my friend... And I feel that this is driving a rift between my memories, myself, and the real world surrounding me.

Time for a deep moment. Cover your ears and hum please?

I find myself, every once and a while, craving his voice. I wonder how he's doing and part of me hopes his family is well, and wishes to see them again. I know he doesn't deserve the dirt on my shoes, or the spit in his face, but for being in the light for so long, basking in it, enjoying the warmth... how could I not want it back? After being thrown headfirst into the darkness following the burst of rapid-fire, the shimmer of sparks, and then the inevitable silence?

Think what you want. It happens to everyone. I wish I could taint every memory of him with a doubt, but there were none. I wish I could look back and say, "I should have known. I should have been ready for this. I set myself too high." But everytime I try, I can only think good things, I only hear his laugh.

I wish I could hate him as easily as I have been able to hate other deserving parties in the past. But I am dismayed to see that it isn't as easy as I hoped.

So now my mission is to make new memories. Better ones, ones that outshine the sterile brilliance of an old love. I will break down the walls of this hall and let in the blinding sunlight of a new life, filled with genuine smiles, affection, and ties only to those who won't do me harm.

I've taken the apropriate steps. And now to have it completed.

I have chosen to accept this mission. The only thing - no self destructing message please.

I'm not that kinda gal.

Oru