Saturday, December 18, 2010

The Blues

I'm not sure how to begin this post.

I could start out with the good things. Everything that has come my way in my life: A good education, a wonderful, loving boyfriend, a caring (albeit 'overenthused') family, an awesome brother, wonderful experiences, carefree childhood, no significant mental or health issues....

Or I could start with the bad things.

I could even delve into a random conversation about Christmas and the holidays, and how silly it is that people feel they have to be nice ONLY on those days. Or the fact that it IS kinda nice how nice people can be in this season. Or even how crappy people can be durring this time of year and all year round.

But what exactly will that get me?

This blog, this little online hosted think-space is really just a point in the void. A tiny speck that doesn't truly exist except in pixels and coding. There is no material value to it. It's even a free hosted website. Sure, thats a good thing - one less thing we have to pay for in our long, drawn out, tormented lives... but after I stop writing in here, after I die and move on, this blog will inevitably be erased from the internet and no traces will remain. I will just have been a ghost on the web, haunting this address and whispering my phantom nothings into your brain.

And past that? Other then the loss of a few hundred typed words, what else could I leave behind? A cozy apaprtment that will be taken by someone else. A piece of crap car that I love, but will be turned immediately into scraps and spare parts. Some journals that could be locked away, burned, thrown out and occupying space in a landfill, or just simply forgotten.

Even if I am remembered past my life - what will thast benefit me? A statue in my name? A few published works, a fan site, maybe a biography of my life and times, if I'm lucky maybe a movie about it? That won't pay my bills, it won't throw a rope into my proverbial crap-hole and pull me out, now will it?

But I digress. Now it's time to wrap it up. I could exclaim that there's hope. There is always hope, and I believe fully in hope. I could say to myself that everything will be all right, and that there is, in fact, a light at the end of the tunnel.

But regardless of how strongly I believe that with every fiber of my silly, oru being... Who's to say that it's true?

"I guess I've got the Christmas Blues"
-Dean Martin

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