Wistful

wist·​ful | \ ˈwist-fəl  \

Definition of wistful

1: full of yearning or desire tinged with melancholyalso : inspiring such yearninga wistful memoir

2: musingly sad : PENSIVEa wistful glance

I think I am more of a realist than I would have thought. 

I see a picture of beautiful landscape hundreds of miles away, and my brain goes: "That's beautiful. Its a shame you'll never get to see it in person. I mean just think about it; when would you be able to afford a trip to Germany? Pfft the plane ticket alone is more than one whole paycheck, don't be ridiculous."

I mean, brain is right, obviously. I do feel jipped by all those oh-so inspiring movies snd books and sayings: "you can do anything!" Or "nothing is impossible!"

Maybe if I didn't mind being homeless. Without a car. Or my dogs. 

Lol like people telling you to do what you love, then looking down their noses at it, full of concern; "how will you live off of that? Do you have a backup plan?" Liars. Ha.

Full of yearning or desire,  tinged with melancholy. I wistfully peer at pictures of far-away places and know I'll never get there.

Le Sigh.

Valentine

 To be without you would be to have a sky with no sun. 

To never hear your voice would be to have a world without color.

To never watch your sweet eyes peering at me, 

or marvel at that smile shining on your lips, 

would be to live in a world where I couldn't smell blooming flowers, 

or taste steaming herbal tea on bone-weary days.

For anything that made me sigh with contentment or smile with joy, 

would pale in the absence of you, my love.

I have few things to offer you, but I offer them all gladly.

I will lay everything I am at your feet, 

humble gifts at the altar of the divine,

And bow my head to accept your decree.

For anything, 

Anything at all from you -

Eyes cast over a distance, a smile, a sigh, a soft touch of word on paper -

Makes this mortal's life an odyssey.

Voice

 This poem is brought to you by voice to text technology. Because everything hurts and I just don't fucking care. 😊

I despise the fact that seeing bugs in my kitchen scares me less and less. It's almost as if there's so much shit in my life why not make room for a little more.  Which I know is Harsh because there are wonderful things in my life -- just not close by.

Everytime the phone rings I want to kill somebody. Not that I actually would I imagined jail would be a lot less fun which is really saying something. But one thing I cannot understand is how people are so stupid. Its uncanny. The majority of human beings are self-important little shits on the surface of the planet.

Well this got out of hand fast first I was talking about bugs and how I hate them I know we've come around to people. Not much of a coincidence. 

I remember a time when I wasn't this angry at everything and I think that makes it worse because I know it feels wrong to have so much of this black tar in my heart. I just want to be happy. And if maybe I didn't have to brace myself for the fucking roach invasion every morning my blood pressure would go down and Karen at work would have a goddamn fighting chance against me and my insurmountable fucking rage.