Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Hole

I was walking along, minding my own business when something astounding happened.
I missed my step, staggering in place a moment, as the thought took me over, wrapping me up in a Miasma of doubt.

'What does it matter?'

Daunting as the subject was, I managed to grab it by the neck and wrestle it to the ground. I was only relatively successful - and I escaped with more then my fair share of bruises and bumps of course - but I learned something. Let me explain.

What does it matter if we live?

What does our life hold that is so important, so urgent to hold onto? Is is Love? That fading, fleeting, most tempestuous of emotions? Is it the desire for Vengeance? Driving men to madness, women into frenzy, and their targets into panic? Friendship? Wealth? Power? Any of the above? All of them no matter how trivial, hold sway over our hearts and our actions without us even knowing it. We won't date this person because they smell, we won't hang out with this person because they're a drag. We won't see this movie because other people didn't like it....

So sure, pick one of those things to classify as your reason for getting up in the morning. But that wasn't the original problem, was it? The original question was a bit more intense.

What does it matter why we live? What is the point? What is the point of jotting down our deepest emotions so all can see - or even in private, or revealing our loves to be true, or admiting hatred? Why do we even bother to go through our routines, one day a mimicry of the last, and the next a mimicry of that. Why do we wake up, go to school, do what other people expect? When in the long run - we are all specks in an ever expanding universe filled with specks.

So what does it matter? I'll tell you. Every speck matters. Every speck makes up the full portrait of this thing called life. Take one speck away, and another speck will fall into place - but then another behind it will fall, and another behind that - and somewhere at the end of the chain - there are no more. And YOU, that one speck gone, made that chain reaction. You caused the others to fall behind you.

So hang in there, friend. I'm that speck right next to you holding your hand. I'm the speck with an arm around your shoulders when you cry and a tissue ready for you to blow your nose in.

Hang in there.


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