Friday, May 28, 2010


As the consequences of the omelet from this morning gurgle in my stomach, I swallow the last gulp of cold tea and stretch out my arms.

I do not want to work today. But in truth - I don't want to work ANY day. But what makes today different or worse? can;t be anythign significant. In fact, I got my paycheck today. Rent is secured. Money for loans = check. And after that I'm going to my other off-the-books job to work some more. Sure, my knees protest, but they protest every day. So what makes me not want to work TODAY?

I think it's all in my head.

I don't know if I told you, but your dear Oru has had trouble staying happy in the paste. There has been severe depression, self-esteem issues, longings unatainable and lonliness. Pretty deep and disconcerting stuff, if you ask me. Butin all seriousness, I have been quite happy. I have not been lonely for one thing, I have been relatively successful, and I have accomplished a few things by now that I am rather proud of. (Published only being number 2 on the grand list of this years achievements, sos you know.)

However, I also know myself well enough to realize that sometimes - I am just NOT myself. And as I said - it is all in my head. Somehow, my inner surreal-me convinces myself that something is incorrect and something is amiss, when EVERYTHING tells me otherwise. I can rationalize it all I want: Tell myself that it's really my subconscious letting me in on something that IS wrong. Or maybe that I WANT there to be something wrong...

But as I said, I know myself far too well.

Which leads me to a random point that wasn't touched on really through this whole rasnt.

Do what you want, hopefully when you want to do it, and KNOW yourself. Know yourself REALLY well, or you will RUIN yourself.


No comments:

Post a Comment